Finding Freedom

Well it's been a while since I've taken the time to sit down and blog . . . probably because I haven't felt like I had anything worthwhile to say.  Hopefully this will be worthwhile to someone.  I have recently encountered a lot of my close sweet friends struggling with depression and anxiety so I thought I would speak from my own personal experience in hopes to offer another perspective on this complicated issue.

I began struggling with depression when I was a young teenager. . . there is no real reason why it turned into the uncontrollable beast that it was . . . no major trauma or event, it just crept up on me and that black pit of despair took root in my life for a long time.  I remember talking to my youth pastor when I first began having symptoms (I was probably 13) and he told me to pray more and read the Bible more.  My biblical knowledge expanded and my conversations with God were more frequent but I was still miserable.  I would try to think about all the wonderful blessings in my life but that didn't remove the hopelessness I felt.  Actually it probably made it worse.  Not only was I depressed, but I had no logical reason for the way I was feeling.  I got professional help when I was about 16 years old to please my family but it wasn't until I was in college that I finally invested myself into therapy and realized I wanted MY life to be different for ME.  I also took medication for a long (long) time.

I have had people personally communicate to me that you can always pray away depression or anxiety or any other mental health issue (I also must say that I know many others who have been so supportive of me while being very understanding and open to a variety of avenues for treatment).  I absolutely believe with all my heart that God frees people from a variety of afflictions and He still preforms miracles in peoples' lives on a regular basis.  But sometimes healing does not happen right away and maybe for some people it never fully comes and God can guide a person to other ways which He offers relief.  I know He did for me.  I often compare someone who is depressed or suffering from uncontrollable anxiety who would benefit from professional help to someone who is newly diagnosed with Type II diabetes and their blood sugar levels are dangerously off the charts.  At some point they might be able to control their blood sugars with diet and exercise but right now, they need professional help (medication, nutritional guidance, etc) to keep them safe and get them to a place of success.  The same way prayer and faith exclusively might be a good option eventually, sometimes more needs to be done.  God is still fully present in those decisions.  I found so much comfort from the following anecdotal story.  I'm sure you've heard it before but it's worth repeating.

There was a man caught in a flood who had a deep faith in God. As the flood waters rose, his neighbors told him, "You have to leave, the flood is going to wash everything away."  Calmly, the man replied, "It's not a problem, God will save me."  As the waters continued to rise to the second floor of the man's house, a boat came by with rescuers. They said, "Quickly, get in, the flood is going to wash everything away."  Again the man replied, "It's not a problem, God will save me."  As the flood worsened, the man was forced to climb onto the roof of his home. A helicopter came, threw down a ladder and the rescuers said, "Climb up. The flood is about to wash everything away."  One more time, the man said, "It's not a problem, God will save me."  Finally, the flood washed everything away, and the man drowned.  When he reached heaven, he saw God. The first thing he asked was, "Lord, I was so certain you would save me, what happened?"  Very perplexed, God said to the man, "I just don't know, I sent you neighbors, a boat and a helicopter to save you. What more were you looking for?"

I was able to realize that God wanted to use other people and other things (like medication) to free me from bondage.  I know that once I got help and took medication, I experienced true freedom in Christ.  I was able to believe in His hope and His peace the way that He promises to provide it.  Before I got help, I was so trapped in my own hurt that I could not serve others and I certainly wasn't an effective for the Kingdom of God.  It's like walking around with a splinter in the bottom of your foot that is infected and painful.  Sure you can get from point A to point B and you can even talk to people along the way but there is a limp in your step and most of your thoughts (conscious or unconscious) revolve around that dang splinter.  I am so blessed to say for now, God continues to set me free without the use of medication.   That is truly only by His grace.  I will absolutely testify that prayer and spending regular time in the Bible is certainly a huge part of the healing process but it took a long time to get to a place where that alone was enough.  There is an undeniable correlation that when my prayer life and study time is consistent, I am filled with great peace and hope.  The opposite is also true that when my time with the Lord is wavering, I can sense more self-doubt and worry creeping in.

So if this is you or someone near and dear to your heart, there is hope and sometimes (not always) it does involve talking to a professional or even taking medication.  That is NOT a cop-out.  It doesn't minimize God's awesomeness or limit His power to heal.  Everyday we have to seek things outside of ourself to be whole.  Whether it is the food we eat, the water we drink, the hug from a friend . . . these are things we cannot give ourself on our own strength.  I'm not saying that every time you have a bad day or even a bad month that you run to some kind of easy fix . . . anyone who has been through counseling or taken medication knows that is not what it is.  I am saying that if you are working so hard all the time trying to grasp onto some glimmer of peace that you are completely and utterly worn out only to still find yourself drowning in your hurt or consuming thoughts, that is not the way God wants us to live.  I know.  I've been there.  There is freedom and there is hope and there is peace.