Loved and Lovely

My precious Trinity.  She is six and full of life and creativity and intellect.  Trinity is the little girl I always prayed for and the Lord answered my prayers.  She brings a sense of light in every room and has such a magnetic personality that captures so many hearts.

My precious Trinity.  On the opposite of every gift and joy carries the same degree of weight from challenges and obstacles . . . and she is no exception.  Trinity is often emotional and reactive and impulsive.  So many days end with me shaking my head in confusion and frustration feeling like somewhere I'm going wrong.  I witness her be hurtful at times or careless or thoughtless or disobedient and I spin my brain trying to figure out how to reach her heart to see the bigger picture.

This past Sunday we had a moment that is worth recording and sharing.  Trinity picked out her outfit (which didn't match, she didn't care, and I didn't want to fight) and asked if I would curl her hair . . . something that rarely happens.  Day after day of taking away privileges and finding consequences, I needed to find a way to give to her and I said yes.  So I quickly got ready for church to make time to curl my little girl's hair, not wanting to miss the moment.  I had some music playing and we stood their in the bathroom as mother and daughter while I curled her cornsilk hair.  We were singing and smiling and cherishing this sweet time.

With each turn of the curling iron and each strand of hair, I began to just pray over her (and myself).  I realized that I was operating from a place of defeat rather than victory in my parenting.  I needed more humility.  I prayed something that I've heard my brother pray when he talks about women.  I prayed about her being loved and lovely

I prayed that Trinity would see herself as LOVED.  In the most fundamental (and usual subconscious) way, we often operate from a place of scarcity.  That if someone gets the attention, then there is not enough for me.  If something is given away, then there is loss for someone else.  But in the kingdom of God, that is not the case.  God always provides enough.  And we can operate from a place of being LOVED, unconditionally and without restraint.  We don't have to look to others for our value.  If we get acknowledged by someone for our good deed or our pretty looks or our thoughts, that's awesome.  But if we don't, we can trust that we are still loved.  We might know that in theory but to live with that truth is much different.  I see the ways people, especially girls (Trinity, her friends, me, my friends) live in a place that "I can secure my value and purpose if I'm better than ___." But when we embrace how deeply WE are loved individually and how much EACH PERSON is loved individually, we can celebrate their moment to shine knowing we are EACH carrying the image of God.

• Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, evenwhen we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—
• Psalm 86:15 But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
• "God’s unfailing love for us is an objective fact affirmed over and over in the Scriptures. It is true whether we believe it or not. Our doubts do not destroy God’s love, nor does our faith create it. It originates in the very nature of God, who is love, and it flows to us through our union with His beloved Son."  ~ Jerry Bridges

I continued to pray for Trinity that she would be LOVELY.  I don't mean that as she will be pretty and polite (although those are good things) but that because she would embrace how much she IS loved in relation to the Lord, that she will have the confidence to BE lovely originating from the inside.  Her "loveliness" would come from a place of her love for others.  With confidence of being LOVED, her ability to love others would be a natural by-product.  I strongly desire for Trinity to seek justice and love mercy and there are times that being "lovely" doesn't always look lovely.  And that is ok.  But from her heart of hearts, I pray her love for others will be her true north always pointing back to the Father and not to herself.  When love is rooted in ourself separate from the Lord, it ends up becoming self-serving and self-seeking.  But when it is rooted in Christ, it always remains selfless and pure.  

• John 13:34-35  A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
• Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
• "God is love. Therefore love. Without distinction, without calculation, without procrastination, love."  ~ Henry Drummond

And as this sweet moment unfolded, my heart softened and I saw Trinity not in relation to myself as her mother or even in relation to herself, but most of all for who she was in relation to her Heavenly Father.  I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude to care for this treasure from heaven.  And in that bathroom, we sang along together to the song that was playing.  It was "No Longer Slaves" by Bethel Music.  The lines in the song that touched me was: 

"You split the sea so I could walk right through it.  My fears were drowned in perfect love.  

You rescued me so I could stand and sing I am a child of God."  

Over and over the line "I am a child of God" was sang.  My precious Trinity and I shared that moment and more importantly that truth.  That we are children of God.  

Her hair was done and the moment was over but the truth remained.  She skipped out the bathroom feeling lovely.  And my prayer continues to be that she IS lovely because she IS LOVED.  

. . . And if that wasn't enough from the Lord.  At church that very day, we had a guest praise and worship leader.  Would you like to guess one of the songs that was played?  Yes, "No Longer Slaves."  I was overwhelmed with gratitude for a Father in heaven who loves me and sees me and loves Trinity and sees her.  And He saw the depth of that moment in the bathroom by underlining it with a song.  I started to cry and if anyone was watching, they must have thought I was really going through a tough place.  In reality I was soaring with joy for a God who loves and sees my heart.  He knows my failures and my strengths.  He is my only hope and I am blessed to be a child of God.