Christmas chaos

This is definitely the season of the wow factor.  Neighbors are outdoing each other with their elaborate Christmas lights that blink in tune to Jingle Bells.  Stores went from opening at 9 am to 6 am to 3 am to opening at midnight.  The famous "Elf on the Shelf" is becoming increasingly more creative with his middle-of-the-night stunts.  And we all seem to get caught up in this endless Christmas whirlwind no matter how hard we try to fight it. 


I just often wonder what God is thinking when He sees us doing all this.  Probably something along the lines of "here they go again." We have an inflatable nativity scene outside our house with an entire caucasian crew of Mary, Joseph, three wise men, and baby Jesus, all smiling, all with either bleach white scarves on their heads or brightly colored garments, some with blonde hair . . . kind of ridiculous as I think about it.  I guess a mud-thatched stable with manure, stagnant water, and flies filed with a middle-Eastern family wearing dusty garments and Jesus with a poopy loin cloth wouldn't be as appealing.  


Then of course there are the Santa's, the Christmas trees, the lights, the ornaments, the sales, the cookie exchanges, the egg nog . . . and we are celebrating Jesus?  This is where I often become so conflicted.  I love all the festivities of the season and I certainly don't want to be a "Grinch" but all this really pales in comparison to the magnitude of what happened that simple night in Bethlehem.  A young virgin girl got pregnant with the Savior of all mankind.  An angel came to her telling her about this and she responded "I am the Lord's servant."  Seriously?  No wonder God chose her.  Most people would have gone screaming and crying back home to momma (I know I would have).  But she accepted the challenge humbly and willingly.  The Lord has given me responsibilities that are a fraction of a percent compared to Mary and I fight Him tooth and nail.   


So how do we hold true to the real meaning of Christmas?  I honestly don't know.  Every year I try to redefine the balance of the spending, giving, wrapping, baking, decorating with the simple life-changing message of Jesus Christ coming into this world as a baby . . . a squirmy, fussy, poopy, hungry baby . . . who changed the course of history and brought grace to the world.  And every year I hear so many other families trying to find that same balance but really if you live in America there probably their isn't one.   Our lights are too bright, our Christmas songs too loud, our greed too overwhelming for Jesus to compete with that.  He didn't 2000 years ago and He's not going to now.  He came in a simple, quiet manner and that is still His style.   Jesus patiently takes a quiet place in the corner and waits for us to meet Him when we are ready . . . I pray our home and our hearts are more ready this year than any other . . . and I pray the same for you.    

A Real Celebrity

This past September, I went on a short-term missions trip to Monterrey, Mexico with a small group from my brother's church.  We met up with an organization called Back 2 Back Ministries who serve the people of Monterrey, Mexico as well as people in Cancun, India, and Nigeria.  Their main focus is to "provide care for today and hope for tomorrow."  Over the course of those few days, my heart was changed and I think about the orphans of the world on a regular basis.  In Mexico, Back 2 Back Ministries assists at "homes" called Casa Hogars which function similar to an orphanage but the children are not completely abandoned.  They have some degree of family but no one to care for them regularly so they live at these homes.

One of the days we were there, we got to take some children to the zoo.  For many of them it was their first field trip.  One of the girls who were a part of little bunch was named Alondra.  She was quiet but opened up a little more as the day went on.  At one point while we were on the bus, she pointed to some mountains and she told me that the United States is on the other side and one day my dad is going to take me there.  I don't know anything about these kids' histories but I was pretty certain this was just a dream.  I could see her wounded spirit and prayed that somehow, these moments with missions teams who come to love and serve as well as her regular care givers would one day begin to heal whatever scars remain from her past.

Our trip to the zoo

Miguel and Michael

There was another boy named Miguel who my brother Michael met last year.  Last year he was fairly new to the casa hogar and my brother tells me that Miguel barely left his side.  This year he was more confident and seemed to be doing well.  Miguel did continue to stick close with us when we were there and he proudly showed us the room he shares with some other boys and the bed where he sleeps.  Actually he sprinted ahead to clean it up when he knew we were on our way to take a look.  Miguel reminded me of my son Zion with his tender heart, a desire to please, and his sensitive soul.  When my brother was saying goodbye, Miguel said to him "you are a good friend."  Those words were so meaningful because really that is all we wanted to be to them.  We know we cannot "fix" all that is broken but we just want to be their friends.  To remind them that Jesus loves them and so do we.

I recently received the magazine that Back 2 Back Ministries publishes to let people know what they are doing at the different locations they serve.  Guess who was on the cover?  Alondra!  I filled up with tears.  I felt like I know a real celebrity.  There was a spread in the middle of the magazine about her and what it is like to live a "Day in the Life of an Orphan."  As I flipped through the magazine, guess who was on the last page with his sweet smile?  Miguel!  I know two celebrities!  It was article written about how much the communication with his sponsors means to him.  I was so proud of them and so excited that I knew them!

Now many of you know that I recently attended the Marine Corps Ball and Justin Timberlake sat at my table.  It was definitely an amazing experience.  There were so many people around our table the whole night, so many camera flashes, so much attention.  And other than the 100 people that came up to get their picture take with him, he seemed like a regular guy.  He told jokes (some not-so-funny ones).  He took pictures for people at our table.  We all laughed through out the evening.  He was very respectful and gracious.  It was a great night and he actually told Tommy and I that we reminded him of his friends.  I was flattered.

Believe me, I got caught up in that moment with Justin Timberlake at my table but really, he doesn't need  me to be his fan.  He's got millions.  Alondra and Miguel do.  The orphans and widows and homeless do.  The people of this world who have been forgotten need fans.  Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the opportunity to meet Justin Timberlake, especially as he honored the great legacy of the Marine Corps.  But truthfully it doesn't hold a candle to my experience serving in Mexico.  Those children changed my life.  I hope and I pray that I make the most of every opportunity to be a friend to the friendless and give a voice to the forgotten.

Bedtime Battle

The other day we were planning to have some family time to read the bible together with our children.  It was getting late and meltdowns were fast approaching but we were trying to be optimistic.  No matter what we asked Zion (our 5 year old) to do, it was met with whining, protest, or no response at all.  Finally, he was issued a "time out."  This was the start of the meltdown.  He was sent to sit by himself in the bathroom to think about how he could have better behavior while we waited in his bedroom.  I went in to talk to him but he was so upset and unable to listen to anything I was trying to say.  I finally told him that it was getting too late and he was too tired so maybe we should read the bible tomorrow when we were all more rested.  At this point, he was crying, stomping his feet, and screaming (which is pretty unlike him).  He was literally yelling "I WANT TO READ THE BIBLE!" over and over and over.   I had to leave the room before I busted out laughing.  The irony of what he was saying and how he was saying it was too much for me to handle.  At face value, hearing your child say that he/she wants to read the bible is awesome.  However, the way he was saying it was void of love, void of self-control, void of gentleness and void of pure intent.  Instead it was manipulative, rude, and self-seeking.  I could have been fooled and thought something like "wow, he must really love the bible because he's so adamant about wanting to read it."  I have been around kids enough to know this was not the case.

I have thought back on this evening several times and how apparent it was to me that Zion's behavior is not uncommon.  I have known some adults just like this.  They speak of Godly things or quote scripture or boast of their righteousness but little else in their life demonstrates a pure heart.  In Galations 5 it say that the "fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control  . . . some good things to keep in mind when we are looking for evidence of how a person's heart aligns with God's (or where our own heart aligns with God's).  Unfortunately I can think back on times when I have "talked the talk" but my intentions have been selfish and clearly less than pure.  

I pray that Zion will one day truly become this zealous for the things of God and have a sincere desire to read the bible.  In the meantime, I hope that I can be wise enough to know the difference between what he says and where his heart is.   I pray the same for you.  That we would be discerning of what people say and of what "fruits of the Spirit" they may or may not be demonstrating . . . that we would "test all things; hold fast that which is good" (1 Thes. 5:21).  More than anything, I pray that you or I are not this person.  

Get moving

Don't you hate it when your feet fall asleep?  You sat in a position for too long or maybe got lost in some toilet reading and you go to get up . . . oh not again . . . that uncomfortable feeling of pins and needles.  You might stomp your foot, shake your leg, or just tread gingerly until it passes and full sensation is restored.  I think the worst part of this feeling is knowing it is often preventable.  "If only I moved sooner."  "How did I not feel this happening?"

This is far too often the case with me spiritually.  I get complacent.  I get lost in nonsense and when I want to get back on track, my first few steps are painful.  I become frustrated with myself for paying too much attention to things that don't matter and losing sight of what matters to the Lord.  Spiritually I finally tuned into God and I moved.

The other thing when hands or feet "fall asleep" is that those sensations are actually healthy normal responses that tell us our nervous and cardiovascular systems are functioning properly.  If they didn't work in this manner, no uncomfortable sensation would follow (as in the case with prolonged diabetes or when someone has a spinal cord injury).  The results are pressure sores, tissue damage, and in the worst cases, amputation.

I try to keep this in mind with regard to my spiritual walk.   The discomfort that moves me (maybe when I haven't been moved in a while) is normal and healthy and evidence that my soul is still intact.  It is actually a good thing even though it doesn't feel like it at the time.  I might take a few stumbling steps to get back on track but it is worth it.  Although I pray that I don't become complacent in the first place, I am thankful for the reminder (even when it is painful) to get moving.

The Magic Bucket

Without fail every time we get in the car, Zion has to bring a toy or two to keep himself entertained while we drive somewhere.  The other day he brought a trick-or-treat bucket (thank you McDonald's Happy Meal) filled with a few treasures; a gun, his wallet and a Matchbox car.  So we are in the car, he has his bucket on his lap, and he loses control of the bucket but catches it just in time.  The bucket tips over but nothing falls out.  He says (and I quote), "I guess this IS a magic bucket."  I chuckled at his simple explanation for what just occurred.

A few minutes later, the same thing happens . . . he starts to drop the bucket but this time, he's a little too late with his reflexes and the contents of the bucket fall on the floor.  He quickly responds by saying, "I guess it's not a magic bucket after all."  I found this response even more humorous and couldn't help but LOL, literally.  When the result wasn't as cool and the outcome not as desirable, the bucket lost it's magic.  I am not one to turn every little encounter with my children into a profound spiritual analogy but as I have thought about this (and even tried to put it into a simple facebook status), I can't help but see a striking connection to what happens in our own lives.

When God blesses us with something unexpected or undeserved, we call it a miracle . . . something that can't be explained . . . maybe to the unbeliever, magic.  However when our life falls out on the floor, or the consequences of our actions become apparent, or we encounter an obstacle, God often becomes less awesome. He loses his "magic."  But just as the bucket was the same bucket regardless of what happened to the prized possessions on the inside, God is still God and still good and still sovereign and still gracious regardless of whether or not a "miracle" is present.

Do you ever wonder if the disciples felt this way?  When Jesus walked on water, I bet they thought that was awesome, amazing, unreal.  But what did they think the next day or the next week when they were hanging out at sea and Jesus jumped in the water and swam with the rest of them?  Were they disappointed?  Did they still believe He was the Savior?  Did it challenge their faith in Him?  I can't say for sure but they were human, just like you and me, and maybe silently they hoped to see Him do it again.

My prayer is that regardless of my circumstances (or how full my bucket is), that my faith remain steadfast, solid, and maybe more importantly, growing deeper.  I pray that I praise God in the times He saves me and my bucket.   Moreso, I hope that I am open to the ways that God wants to challenge me in order to refine me when I need it most.

I am no blogger

I am not sure what has possessed me to attempt blogging.  I can remember learning about this phenomenon years ago and thinking "nothing I have to say is really that important for anyone to take the time to read it."  I can't say that I have gained any great wisdom that makes that less true today.  However, I would like to think that the Lord has taught me a few things through being a wife, a mother, a daughter, a neighbor, a sister, a friend, a colleague, an aunt, and all the other roles I have acquired.  Hence the title, "The Heart of a Sparrow."  Growing up, I can remember hearing the song "His Eye is on the Sparrow" and reading the verse in Matthew 10 that says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. And even the hairs of your head are all counted. So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows."  It is a humble reminder that God sees me, He knows me, He teaches me, and maybe, He will use me . . . not despite of my weaknesses, fears, and failures but through them and because of them.  Surely if He thinks about the sparrows, He has something intentional planned for me . . . and for you.


So this is hopefully the start of a documentary.  I'm not sure what direction this blog will go but that is true with life.  I can't promise there won't be a recipe, a craft, or a useless video mixed in but my real intention is to bring something to your life a bit more meaningful and insightful.